Setting the Literary World Alight … or not, as the case may be

How do unknown authors get themselves noticed?

I’ve tried taking off all my clothes and standing outside the local library. Apart from several pidgeons, no-one took any notice, and I had to wait two weeks for a man from the council to come and wash off the poo.

Someone suggested putting an advert in Facebook. I tried that, too. Lots of clicks, no sales, and my friends list has dropped below a thousand.

Book signings, that could be an idea. But bookshops are only interested if they can sell your book, and they don’t buy off Amazon.

So, I watch my sales figures creep slowly towards double figures, and hope that one of them is someone who has the power to launch me into stardom.

Not holding my breath.